I think I'm done

I've been wondering about blogging and why I blog lately. It's generally been gnawing at me this spring, but this post from a City Schools teacher-blogger (who doesn't blog about schools) brought it to a head. Really, it's bigger than blogging or not, it's about the whole basis of this blog and choices about my kids and their future in the system that gives this blog its title.

I started looking at my sidebar text and saw this declaration - "We are in public schools because we believe that justice starts with a decent free education for all and if I want decent public education being personally involved is the first step." I just don't know anymore. I truly believe that a democracy depends on all of its citizens having a decent education. Not just those with the money for a private school. Not just those who live in the right neighborhood. Not just those who can learn the same way as their peer. Not just those whose tests scores are in a narrow band around the system's average. Unfortunately, knowing that something is critical doesn't make it happen. Is that "first step" a path to somewhere or just tilting at windmills?

I am questioning decisions made years ago and decisions made more recently. I am questioning the wisdom of pouring time, energy, support, love and money into a system that I have little respect for at the moment.

I am tired of broken promises, big and small. I am tired of vindictive and soul-crushing bureaucracies. I am tired of asking overwhelmed people to do things that I know they should, but really are not capable of doing.


When I started this blog I was sure we would all survive the system and that quitting or retreat was not an option. Now, I'm not so sure.

How'd it go?

The illustrations from a classic that came to mind... I'm thinking the 7th circle, but I might be off a bit

After getting bumped from our original date, yesterday we finally had our IEP meeting. Sadly, we got very little done and will have to schedule another. I might not have a lot of happiness at the moment, but I've got tons of resolve and resources. Don't worry gentle readers, msk will get his FAPE.

Can you stop now?

So lately, my life has been filled with these balls of stress pounding me like random hailstones.


Here's today's:

To get appropriate services or FAPE you need a decent, education specific evaluation. In msk's case, two evaluations - neuro-psych and speech-language.

Insurance won't cover education specific evaluations, and the general medical evaluations that they will cover are useless at IEP meetings

My employer has special support services for employees dealing with autism, so I thought, "What can it hurt to call and ask?" I called and asked and after talking for 45 min to give her the background story, I was pointed to some sort of fund that my medical insurance company has to help people with medical services that they don't cover. As far as I could tell I needed to prove financial need and what they wanted to cover was ABA services, which is not the same as assessment. So basically she had pointed me to a dead-end that took probably another hour of my time.

The autism "expert" called back to follow up and I (politely) told her that her recommendation had been no help. She told me the names of some support services, but it was pretty clear that after about 9 years of dealing with autism and services and schools I knew more than she did. So the answer to the "What can it hurt?" question is that it can waste my time and cause me general aggravation.

Today she called again to re-follow-up or something. She asked if I had figured out how to fund the evaluations and I said, yes, by my credit cards which thankfully allow $20K worth of debt. She repeatedly asked me if there was any more help she could provide. I wanted to ask, "More? You haven't provided any help and I wish I hadn't called in the first place." Instead, I took down her number and told her if I thought of anything I would call.

I don't need to get pissed about insurance coverage (or lack thereof) at this point. I am totally wigging out about this IEP meeting coming up next week. I worry about the money involved. I worry about making the right decisions. I worry about how much contention and friction there will be when we discuss these assessments. I worry about how much stress my husband and I can take when it comes to dealing with schools and special education. Isn't that enough without worthless people bugging me at work to ask if they can help me? Puh-LEEZE!

This week

I know I owe you an actual post, but prepping for an IEP meeting that I expect to be long and hard is taking a lot out of me. Also, working on moving my mom into a retirement community and helping her get rid of stuff is also taking a lot out of me. Plus, dealing with the end of school year rushing around coupled with the concept of graduation and going to college is taking a lot out of me.

On the up side, I am sticking with my exercise commitment and I am still on the path to losing 50 lbs by the time I turn 50. Here's this week's report:

"Lifetime" achievements

Not really a lifetime, since I got the pedometer 4/14/2012. So really 3 weeks' achievements:

245,012 steps
386 flights of stairs
112.95 miles.

Sandwich, anyone

So in the next few months we've got some milestones:

• First kid to graduate high school/start college
• Turning 50
• A parent entering senior living

I'm pulled between kids still needing a lot of time and support, parents needing more attention and help, and a body that is starting to object to the years of neglect I've subjected it to.

A challenge, but what the heck, I love a challenge. Plus, it all ends up being more stuff to blog about.

The final K-12 summer

Collegiate Success Institute

This is HSS's last City Schools summer. I'm expecting/hoping that summer internships will happen through her college years, but this summer it's about prepping for college.

UMBC has a pre-college orientation-type program that includes taking two courses that are required for graduation, called CSI. So, for the first 6 weeks of the 12 weeks that is summer vacation, HSS will be living in the dorms, figuring out the logistics of college life, making friends, doing service projects, being a tourist...all sorts of fun stuff.

After that, besides the family vacation at the cabin, HSS will have to figure it out. Yet another step towards Independence and adulthood.

Summer plans continued



American Pie cty-style, from http://www.realcty.org/

 So the middle child, soon to be my only high school student also has a busy summer ahead. It's going to be her last year at CTY, where she's spent 3 weeks every summer since 2007:

I won't miss shelling out what has slowly gone from $3K to almost $4K per kid, but I know this has been a good investment for both my high schoolers. As much as I realize that msk needs to be flappy sometimes, I know my other kids need to be geeky. What other summer camps have a wiki explaining the lexicon and culture?

Also on the agenda is getting in the 60 hours of road time required to get a driver's license these days. Plus a week of camp in West Virginia repairing houses for elderly low-income folks. And there's summer reading assignments. Plus a family vacation in the woods.

I used to worry about what my kids would miss when the school system moved to year 'round. It seemed logical for it to change, expecially in a city like Baltimore where so few kids have any sort of enrichment activities over the summer. I'm holding my breath no longer. This kid has only one more high school summer left and msk does ESY and really would do better with full year schooling.

One week in

one full week of data logged

So, I'm a total geek. And I really need to lose a bunch of weight. So, using geekiness to fight fat, I bought a pedometer that has WiFi and links to a website for tracking how I'm doing. A fitbit. I love it, and so far I'm down 2.4lbs. for the week and 9lbs. from when I looked at my scale and said, "This must be wrong..."

Above is a chunk of the page showing my first week tracking steps, altitude, and everything I eat.

The journey of a thousand miles (or really 350,000 deficit calories ) starts with a week of data-logging.

Two weeks off

I was shocked when I looked at the date of my last post and I realized I hadn't posted for two weeks. Sorry.

This summer marks a first for msk. He's going to camp, a sleep-away camp for seven days at that.

League Pioneers: Experience cooking over a fire, canoeing, and camping in a tent! Since 2003, Pioneers learn and take part in activities in four areas: pioneering, outdoor living skills, astronomy and adventure skills. Located ½ mile down the road from Camp Greentop, League Pioneers takes place at Walnut Springs. Participants will also explore the rest of the National Park and nearby Cunningham State Park. All League Pioneers should be able to navigate uneven terrain and be successful in a 3:1 participant to counselor ratio. So roll up your sleeping bags, fill your canteen and prepare for a fun and adventurous primitive camping experience as a League Pioneer!

I'm nervous, because he's never been away from both home and his parents at the same time.

On the other hand, I had a long conversation with the camp director and I really think this is a good fit. It's time for a change of pace. Msk loves being outdoors and doing all the things listed above. I'm hoping that he'll be able to work on socializing. It's been hard to find a way for him to make friends. Very few neurotypical kids his age have the patience or interest to get to make any real bonds. The inclusion setting he's been in for the last 3 1/2 years hasn't given him a chance to try to relate to other autistic kids, beyond hockey, and so far he hasn't seen any of his hockey friends outside of practices and tournaments. Not to say he doesn't have hockey friends.

I'd just like for him to have the time to figure out his own style of making, and bonding with, friends.

So that, along with ESY (unless it sucks, which is a distinct possibility) and a family trip to the cabin, is msk's  summer plans.

Everybody is busy this summer. Plenty of blog fodder, I suppose.